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The Hidden Secret About Healthy Relationships

Updated: Mar 22, 2023

gavel leaning on books

In a world where views can be so varied, is it possible to gain the ability to judge without being judgmental?

Well, honestly....Yes you can!

I didn't always think so.

For many years I felt if I was judging someone it meant that I was being excessively critical.

I really resisted that idea. I wanted to be kind and accepting of everyone.

I tried very hard to be just that, but of course I would run into a problem here and there. I would find myself trapped in a relationship, partnership, or friendship with a person whose life affected mine in an unhappy manner. This was not working because it drained me of the time, attention and love I wanted to give to others.

I struggled with my own perspective about this idea of judging and I knew I had to find a new way of looking at it.

Well, one day as I was examining my thoughts about judging I had an epiphany!

Thank goodness!

I was looking up the definition of judge.

v. Form an opinion or conclusion about.

After looking this definition over, I realized my error.

Instead of resisting forming an opinion about people I should have been focusing on forming an opinion about where they fit into my life!

Big difference!

sketch of a light but with heart in the middle on beautiful red background

I loved this!

I didn't have to judge them. I had to judge my life and where they fit into it. It was remarkable because it was so freeing!

I finally realized that if I decided a person did not fit into my life, it was okay. I could say hello and be friendly, but I did not have to offer to them my time and my energy. I did not have to bend myself to their needs.

I was no longer trapped. I could form an opinion and feel as though I was not being critical.

This was amazing!


Here is the most important part of all of this.

I had to be sure that my opinion or conclusion of where others fit into my life was truly about who they were to me... and not a reflection of their reaction to me.


That is SO important!

That’s the kicker and it is one of the secrets to happiness, success, and fulfillment.

Why? Because it allows us to see the affect we create on others and it forces us to see if there is room for improvement in ourselves.

: )

So, how do we get to a place where we can easily create opinions about where people fit into our lives? How do we ensure our judgments are accurate and fair and lead us toward relationships that create happiness?

Well, we trust our 5 Steps of becoming an ARTIST.

1. Accept the challenge.

Decide that you can choose the relationships in your life.

2. Define the rules.

Decide what works for you and what doesn't.

Create a way to measure it.

(Something like 80/20. 80% positive/20% negative.)

3. Master Your Craft.

Refine your choices and your measurement.

4. Infuse You

Find that part of you that can see others as themselves.

5. Elevate Your Skill

Become so good at forming opinions that doing so becomes uniquely yours so you never become the effect of your choices again!

lower torso of guy and gal laying on cement floor holding hands

Judging doesn't have to be judgmental. It can simply be a responsible way of ensuring you are creating the life you want and one that those you love deserve.

Now, go out and create that amazing life!

You are an ARTIST.

I see it.

With Great Love,


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Oh Annie, another great topic! Love the re-framing idea!


Annie K Laven
Annie K Laven
Feb 19, 2019

So glad we could help! Thanks for checking in this week!


Was just discussing this concept with someone. This helps greatly to clarify!!!

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