Solutions for Living: Top 2 Rules for Successful Parenting
Updated: Aug 8
Face it. Parenting is tough! What other role do you
play that requires your every attention from morning til
night for almost twenty years. One day we're convinced
we've got it all figured out only to be forced to reach for
a new level of patience the next. One day one kid rises
to new heights while the other falls apart. It's all worth it
though because on those days or should I say during
those moments when everyone gets along and all is
right with the world, there is no better feeling on Earth.
So how do we stack the deck as parents so those
days are more often than not? Well, today I'm going to
answer that question!
Here Are The Top 2 Rules For Successful Parenting!
I’ve had the pleasure of raising those three young
boys in the above photo along with the one I was
carrying in my tummy : ) and watching them grow up to
become caring, productive and happy young men. I
have talked parenting with lots of friends and I have to
say, these two rules were a huge help in my household!
Rule Number 1 of Successful Parenting
1 - Be yourself.
In order to really understand this rule we have to
establish the difference between you and all the roles
you play. Yes, you are a parent but that is not who you
are. You play the role of a mom, a dad, a caregiver, a
nurse, a volunteer, a chaperone, a mentor, a spouse, a
pet owner, a financial wizard, a fitness expert.... well
done, by the way! But that is not who you are.
You are who you were before you played most of
those roles. You are who you were when you were
born. A very specific kind of wonderful!
Sometimes we find ourselves being like our parents
or like an aunt or an opinion leader. But when we do
that, we deprive our kids of knowing us. Yes, we need
to take those valuable lessons we've learned from those
we trust in our lives, but we must remember to
incorporate their wisdom as ourselves.
Let's take a look at the definition of 'parent' in its verb
form to understand this idea better.
PARENT: be or act as a parent to (a child)
Be or act as...
Have you ever said something to one of your kids
and thought oh my goodness, I sound just like my mom
or I sound just like my dad. Or even more interestingly....
acting like them! It's easy to do. It's in those moments
that we must recognize it and step back and try again.
On a similar note....
Successful parenting has everything to do with
preparing your children for the future, right? . The
question is what are you preparing them for? Are you
preparing them to be themselves and make a place for
themselves in the world or are you preparing them to be
the roles they play?
We all know that it’s a given…kids learn by example.
So, your greatest example to set for your kids is to show
them the value of being themselves.
There is so much pressure from the outside to be this
or be that, it’s at home where kids shake off those
pressures and remember who they are. They learn by
watching you be yourself! Let them see that sparkle
that makes you so wonderfully you! : )
I’m not saying throw out the rules and be their friend
because I am not. I am saying, when you enforce the
rules be you. Don’t be the idea of a “mom” or a "dad".
When you teach them something new, be you, don't be
that idea of how a teacher would do it. When you help
them with their homework, be you!
Too often, we lose ourselves in the roles that we play
as though those roles are more important. This is,
without question, untrue!
You are magnificent! Share that with your kids! They
deserve it!
Rule Number 2 of Successful Parenting
2 - Be consistent
If you establish a rule. It’s always a rule. If you
establish a reward. It’s always a reward. If you say you
are going to be there. Be there.
I'm sure this isn't the first time you've heard this tip.
But why? Why is being consistent so important?
It's because consistency establishes two very
important things for your kids.
The first is…. TRUST
A child learns how to trust and they learn how to not
trust. We are addressing Step 2 Define the Rules and
Step 3 Master Your Craft here. These are two of the
steps in any area of life that will help us create a life
filled with order and effortlessness...we call this artistry!
Knowing the rules helps us win when we play games.
It is the same in being a successful parent. If your kids
know the rules, they learn that if they follow them they
can trust that for the most part life will go as scheduled.
If they follow the rules of riding a bike, they trust
they will be safe. If they follow the rules about phone
usage or computer time, then they can trust that they
will earn the right to do those things again. Living a life
without rules might sound fun but in the end, we realize
that there is no game to be won and what is created is
lost time, upset, and chaos.
The second is….HOW TO PREDICT
So many kids are nervous simply because they can’t
predict anything. Everything feels so random in life and
this causes a feeling of being unsettled and nervous.
When you are consistent, your kids come to
understand what is expected in life. Knowing what is
expected in life creates an opportunity for kids to be
able to predict what’s coming. If they break the rules
they know there will be consequences. If they do great
things, they also know there will be consequences;
good ones!
Prediction is also important because it allows your
child to learn the skills they need to make choices. And
we all know that choices are what creates their future.
Think about how you use your ability to predict to
make good choices to keep your kids safe.You know
every Thursday the bigger kids are at the park and they
are rowdier than you like, so you choose not to take the
kids to the park on Thursdays. You are able to do that
because you are able to predict the schedule of the
older kids.
We don’t often think about these types of things but
in the end, those parents who seem to have it all
together know that successful parenting depends on
them.
Let’s wrap it up!
So, how do these two rules make our lives better and
more organized so we can be the parents we know we
can be?
The more you follow these 2 rules for successful
parenting, the more stable your household becomes.
Why? Because you CREATED the stability, the trust and
the confidence for your kids. : )
The more a child trusts you, the more they can trust
themselves. The more they trust themselves, the more
they can make good choices. The more they make good
choices, the calmer they become, hence the calmer
your household becomes and the more you can be that
parent who seems to have it all together! : )
By remembering to be there as you AND by being
consistent, you are doing the work on the front end so
your entire family can enjoy the time created, the calm,
and the stability on the backend. Everybody wins!
Being a parent is a sacred role that we all cherish. It’s
so much easier to be a parent when you remember that
you are what makes being their parent so special!
Remember, you can achieve artistry in any area of
life; including being a parent. If you do, that makes you
an artist! I see it.
If you're interested in finding out more about how to
be you : ) check out my online course, The Purpose of
Purpose! Put the driving force behind what makes you
beautiful, powerful, and valuable into words so you can
live the life you know you should!
With Great Love,
Annie
I'd love to know your tips!
What are you tips for successful parenting?
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